Designing A Life - We Each Get The Chance
we each get the chance: designing a life
Title: Designing A Life - We Each Get The Chance
Author: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Article:
The Enchanted Self is all about living and then telling and
retelling the stories of our lives to get the most positive
juice from them. This often means taking pain and misfortune and
turning it into meaning and even eventually a metamorphosis of
pleasure. One example of designing a fulfilling life comes to
mind. This is the story of a part of our French cousin's life. A
retired doctor living outside of Paris, Jean Manuel, has often
told us the story of his years living hidden in a farmhouse in a
French Province. When he was five, his parents were warned that
they had to leave Paris. He vividly remembers how terribly upset
his parents were. Somehow they found a farmer and his wife who
agreed to take in as many of the family members as could get
there. His family and some cousins lived several years on this
farm. Others chose not to leave Paris and were never heard of
again.
Jean Manuel told us about how his family went back after the war
to look for their missing relatives, only to find possessions
and an uneaten birthday cake celebrating the nephew's first
birthday still on the table, at one of their cousin's homes. The
family, however, was gone forever. He remembers his parent's
despair, yet also how life resumed for all of them. He also
shared with us how his father was once picked up by the French
Police and loaded onto a train. Fortunately the train was moving
slowly enough that his father could jump and escape, living for
a while in the woods until he could return to his little family.
One might at first wonder -- how could someone come to terms
with so much loss and seeing his family go through so much pain?
I don't know Jean Manuel terribly well but I have clearly seen a
friendly, joyful person every time we've been together. I have a
hunch of several ways he has processed this story of his life
and the life of his family. I believe that one of the major ways
that he has processed his own life and turned it into a
meaningful, joyful experience is by giving back. The farmer and
his wife who took them in didn't have any children of their own.
Jean Manuel and everyone else that had been hidden by the family
never forgot them.
They visited this couple every summer. To this very day,
although the husband is gone, and the wife lives in a nursing
home, Jean Manuel or his wife, or sometimes his daughter will
take responsibility to visit and be with this woman. They never
forgot and they've always been good to the people that were good
to them. Perhaps the other major way that I know that this man
had made his life story into a meaningful life adventure is the
way I feel when I am with him. He is a pleasant, reassuring
person who makes me feel comfortable, safe, and as if there is a
good time lurking around every corner.
I think he is a lovely example of someone living an enchanted
life... a life that has had to be reinterpreted, I'm sure, more
than once... a life that is not a life of fame but of private
meaning and consistency.
About the author:
Dr. Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self and a
psychologist since 1981. She is the author of two books: The
Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy and Recipes for Enchantment,
The Secret Ingredient is YOU! Dr. Holstein speaks on radio, and
appears on television in NY and NJ. She gives lectures,
seminars, retreats and audio interviews on LadybugLive.com and
is in private practice in Long Branch, NJ with her husband, Dr.
Russell Holstein.
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