Addiction to Worry
Addicted to worrying-helpful article
Title: Addiction to Worry
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
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Title: Addiction to Worry Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail:
mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret
Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 752 Category:
Addiction, Personal Growth, Emotional Healing
Addiction to Worry By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She
had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and
believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our
work together, she became aware that her depression was actually
coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a constant
worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her
concerns that something bad might happen. “What if I never get
well?” “What if my husband gets sick?” “What if I run out of
money?” (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business
and there was no indication that it would not go on being
successful). “What if my son gets into drugs?” “What if my kids
don’t get into good colleges?” “What if someone breaks into the
house?”
Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also
contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her
worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system
could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet even the awareness
that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her
illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was addicted to
it. She was unconsciously addicted to the sense of control that
worry gave her.
I understood this well because I come from a long line of
worriers. My grandmother’s whole life was about worrying. She
lived with us as I was growing up and I don’t remember ever
seeing her without a look of worry on her face. Same with my
mother – constant worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also
became a worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, who
worried daily until the day they died, I decided I didn’t want
to live that way. The turning point came for me the day my
husband and I were going to the beach and I started to worry
that the house would burn down and my children would die. I
became so upset from the worry that we had to turn around and
come home. I knew then that I had to do something about it.
As I started to examine the cause of worry, I realized that
worriers believe that worry will stop bad things from happening.
My mother worried her whole life and none of the bad things she
worried about ever happened. She concluded that nothing bad
happened because she worried! She really believed that she could
control things with her worry. My father, however, never worried
about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. My
mother believed that nothing bad happened to my father because
of her worry! She really believed until the day she died (from
heart problems that may have been due to her constant worry)
that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. My
father is still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him!
It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing
worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop
worrying, I needed to recognize that the belief that worry has
control over outcomes is a complete illusion. I needed to see
that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it can have
grave negative consequences on health and well-being. Once I
understood this, I was able to notice the stomach clenching that
occurred whenever I worried and stop the thought that was
causing the stress.
Carole is in the process of learning this. She sees that her
worry makes her feel very anxious and depressed. She sees that
when she doesn’t worry, she is not nearly as fatigued as when
she allows her addiction to worry to take over. She sees that
when she stays in the moment rather than projecting into the
future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in stopping
worrying is in accepting that worry does not give her control.
Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us not easy
for anyone who worries. Yet there is an interesting paradox
regarding worry. I have found that when I am in the present
moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that
support my highest good than when I’m stuck thinking about the
future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from
being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and
others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather
than more!
About the author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding
healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding
course: http://www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com. |
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